I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
