A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
