No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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