We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
