his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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