he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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