the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
