You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love accidental penises.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
