your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
