she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
