Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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