I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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