nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
