Swine flu. Run for my life!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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