Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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