What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
