There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
