he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
