you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize