I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
