Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
