just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
