ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
