tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize