Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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