the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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