I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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