just survived the first fart of the relationship.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
