Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
