He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
