Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
