Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
