Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
