but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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