so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
