Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
