I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
