Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
