dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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