I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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