he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
