Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
