My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just blew my weed a kiss
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dicks are not precious.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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