one might say we're banned from that church
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
