Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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