can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
