Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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