Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
