just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
