I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
