M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
