alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
