Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
