Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
