It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
