I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
