Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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