Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
