i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
