Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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