I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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