You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
