bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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