we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
