I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
