So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
