I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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