i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
