Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
