Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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